“Ouch!”
Something had pricked the seat of my emotions. It was pierced by some-sort-of-jur, by a pretentious-uneasy-but-undeniably conspicuous being. It was directly hit by “its” ultimate supremacy which tends to a thing to react. It was being sensed then traverse-ly moves across the axon carrying the neurotransmitter substance that sends inevitably. The pulsating momentum disclosed, it pulsates, beats and the haste of it, and estimate-ly measures’ nano-seconds after reaching the seat – my hypothalamus. The supreme commanded the reacting mechanisms-glands, hormones, and muscles- of my body to manifest the inevitable and hurting disclosure.
It manifests lots of thing…
I’m incompetent! I’m inconsistent! I’m a big loser! I couldn’t prove to everyone that I have what it takes, that I’m excellent in everything. And even I couldn’t believe that I don’t have the entrails, that I can’t do things excellently. The competence, self-esteem, self-confidence in me is starting to peter out along my way to the crest.
All along, this un-euphoric page is caused by my inferiorities, which unconsciously misleading me in life. More times, when I’m above everybody I’m feeling the aura of blissfulness but on the other hand, sometimes or quite sometimes, having a better one than me is much just like degrading and distorting my being. Consequently, I feel so much insecurities and I will do everything to defend and protect my ego from anxieties and frustrations.
I’ve known myself or even “myselves”, that’s why I’m presently taking a course to study such behavior. I don’t want to blame the significant people around me who have been part of my existence, or I mean my erroneous existence, my erroneous upbringing and misguided-ness. But now, I have understood them since I have so much knowledge about their fault which they have done in my entire development. I understood and continuing to, because I have the need to understand them. Truly it is, and the only thing I want them to do is to guide me rightly until now and support in my endeavors.
Whew! I think it’s me who mustn’t be like this anymore. The very pessimistic me has no place in my other “selves” and I’ve been trying to accept everything, my shortcomings and the like in order to live blissful and in the pink.
Expletively, if I were to be given a chance to write and just to write my “ifs” that I could have or should have done in my entire life, I will, even it will no longer be useful!
If I became competent in every event in my life, then, I will live blissfully.
If I became consistent on my studies and other things, then, I will reap the fruits I’ve planted towards my crest in times.
If I am being raised and guide righteously, then, I will not be like this. It’s either I am blissful or even euphoric! It’s either I have no insecurities, inferiorities and inconsistencies. It’s just like I can be at two places at the same time. The feeling of happiness of stepping to two different boundaries is like fulfilling the thought of “two-place-at-the-same-time”, a dream being manifested.
However, in my entire existence I’ve learned so many things, the one that is very convincing for me is to accept my shortcomings (because I must) and have place for new challenges and never descend “yourselves” into the gloom. For all the ifs, could haves, and should haves, it will no longer have place in my thoughts because I will become strong now to accept everything…to accept or to admit everything that I’ve done wrongly…
It’ll just remind me that “someones’” are always better than me!
I will just go back to my new self, “even it’ll cause demise, and still I have the need to understand…”
Something had pricked the seat of my emotions. It was pierced by some-sort-of-jur, by a pretentious-uneasy-but-undeniably conspicuous being. It was directly hit by “its” ultimate supremacy which tends to a thing to react. It was being sensed then traverse-ly moves across the axon carrying the neurotransmitter substance that sends inevitably. The pulsating momentum disclosed, it pulsates, beats and the haste of it, and estimate-ly measures’ nano-seconds after reaching the seat – my hypothalamus. The supreme commanded the reacting mechanisms-glands, hormones, and muscles- of my body to manifest the inevitable and hurting disclosure.
It manifests lots of thing…
I’m incompetent! I’m inconsistent! I’m a big loser! I couldn’t prove to everyone that I have what it takes, that I’m excellent in everything. And even I couldn’t believe that I don’t have the entrails, that I can’t do things excellently. The competence, self-esteem, self-confidence in me is starting to peter out along my way to the crest.
All along, this un-euphoric page is caused by my inferiorities, which unconsciously misleading me in life. More times, when I’m above everybody I’m feeling the aura of blissfulness but on the other hand, sometimes or quite sometimes, having a better one than me is much just like degrading and distorting my being. Consequently, I feel so much insecurities and I will do everything to defend and protect my ego from anxieties and frustrations.
I’ve known myself or even “myselves”, that’s why I’m presently taking a course to study such behavior. I don’t want to blame the significant people around me who have been part of my existence, or I mean my erroneous existence, my erroneous upbringing and misguided-ness. But now, I have understood them since I have so much knowledge about their fault which they have done in my entire development. I understood and continuing to, because I have the need to understand them. Truly it is, and the only thing I want them to do is to guide me rightly until now and support in my endeavors.
Whew! I think it’s me who mustn’t be like this anymore. The very pessimistic me has no place in my other “selves” and I’ve been trying to accept everything, my shortcomings and the like in order to live blissful and in the pink.
Expletively, if I were to be given a chance to write and just to write my “ifs” that I could have or should have done in my entire life, I will, even it will no longer be useful!
If I became competent in every event in my life, then, I will live blissfully.
If I became consistent on my studies and other things, then, I will reap the fruits I’ve planted towards my crest in times.
If I am being raised and guide righteously, then, I will not be like this. It’s either I am blissful or even euphoric! It’s either I have no insecurities, inferiorities and inconsistencies. It’s just like I can be at two places at the same time. The feeling of happiness of stepping to two different boundaries is like fulfilling the thought of “two-place-at-the-same-time”, a dream being manifested.
However, in my entire existence I’ve learned so many things, the one that is very convincing for me is to accept my shortcomings (because I must) and have place for new challenges and never descend “yourselves” into the gloom. For all the ifs, could haves, and should haves, it will no longer have place in my thoughts because I will become strong now to accept everything…to accept or to admit everything that I’ve done wrongly…
It’ll just remind me that “someones’” are always better than me!
I will just go back to my new self, “even it’ll cause demise, and still I have the need to understand…”
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