Mea Culpa

Sa pagdaan ng panahon,
Mananatiling magkayakap
Ang init
Ng dagat, at ang
Lamig ng buhangin
Sa ilalim ng dilim…

TELLTALE(D)

Repressions
Oppressions
Depressions
- it fills me!
I –
Enjoy glum,
Love teary-ness,
Live in unfathomed space…
------Erudite Un-shallowness,
- I’m into…
Howbeit,
When “SHE” came,
It turns me topsy-turvy!
I –
------Fore-felt the care,
…the bizarre endearment,
…my space became hers.
I –
------Shouldn’t want to admit,
------Still, the pulsating thing…
-, it telltale[d]!

“I love her!”

The Law of Unfairness

“The more effort you exert the less benefit you take, but the less effort you exert the more benefit you take.”


Apparently life is very much unfair. From the very first significant event of someone’s life that only a single sperm can enter the egg cell to fertilize. For the parents, it is indeed unfair that they’ve enjoyed eleven minutes (according to the novel, Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho) of pleasure but sacrifices for the rest of their lives. For the students, isn’t it fair for your parents to send you to school and give your allowances and certainly, you’ll end up in poor grades. And for a student giving not his best in his studies and yet he had received skyscraping grades because of make-up project but far high from a student who evidently excelled in his studies.

Nowadays, many actions in our lives can be considered as being unfair. As we all experienced, we cook our food for more or less than an hour but eat in less than ten minutes. We buy expensive delicacies and yet it is unhealthy to us. We buy more things for entertainment and leisure but not even give charity a help. Many countries are rich and more of their funds are being used for making weapons for their somehow absolute defense. Don’t they think that the funds for those insane matters can cure the poverty of the world? They are just making unfair out of their power and wealth, and trying to reach the omnipotence of all. How cruel they are to think that they can reach above others.

Many things considered as being unfair but unconsciously people ignored these things (if only they knew those) because of the fact of some big unfairness they are facing, that they were born in this world unequal. Ethically, we were not born equal because of our basic dignity. Some might have lost their dignity along the way, but it mustn’t or shouldn’t be lost. It is somehow our bludgeon in different events or aspects in our lives.

However, isn’t it fair for a student to arrive at the omnipotence from wrong doings? For some, “It is better to cheat than to repeat”, an irony of inanity indeed. Isn’t it fair for your beliefs – or for your superego? Or it’s just a defense mechanism of your inferiority. Perhaps, your conscience may be the arbitrator for you to be penalized. Somehow, the unfairness has the goal for itself, the motivations of being unfair and the fact of their self-satisfactions or purpose which is righteous but in an unethical way of having it.

In larger sense, making things fair is very much good and easy even though He made the world unfair. It’s just His way of getting our attention and believing in Him. Whenever we do well, the innate glow will definitely glow upon us. However, when we do evil, He will just teach us to be good. But don’t wait for Him to teach you to do good things and being fair because, somehow, His way isn’t fair also.

***this article of mine was already published in our literary folio (SINGKAW).

A Perspective

So, my expedition is not yet over, it is but the start…

In my entire existence, I became aware on every issue concerning every individual on particular reasons, either to oppose or not to. The worst scenario is when a dispute start, a disagreement, an argument (either false or otherwise) which would lead to a so-called rivalry between particular individuals or groups. A non-stop stoning of their foul deeds and that could certainly occur or recur in different situations, just like a contagious disease inflicting every living cell which could destroy a whole being.

For my 17 years stay in the surface of this orb, I’ve experienced enormous variety of variations and diversions, from the basic unit of the society, local areas, school or university, and of national or even international diversification.

Thus, in its own circuits, it accompanied different electrifying charges of either negative or positive equivalence. Their world is much chaotic than to someone who live in South Africa where even juveniles do unforgivable deeds as the rebels insists and torments them in their own way. There are almost 200,000 children, as of now, being used as soldiers for their ‘selfish desire’ of ruling the entire Africa and see no peace but destructions and chaos. The rebels decides for what they want to do without conforming to the norms of the society particularly to the laws in their state. They made their laws to follow which people suffers because of no safeguards from ‘papers’ and of even from the so-called ‘law-enforcers’.

In a small but larger sense, inside the family, this is known as the indispensable unit of our society. Many children suffer from abused (physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually), broken families, child labors and much more. The disgraceful juveniles suffering from all of these are innocents. They need enormous care, love and affection from significant someone. Why all these things are happening in our society? Does it give us a reason that we can generalize the world as it seems to be immobilized?

Psychologically, if an individual is emotionally disturbed at home or having stress from the family then it would certainly affect its outward behavior in different milieu.

If a child isn’t receiving any praises, encouragements and the like from his parents then eventually he will feel inferior and lack of competence, low self-esteem and confidence. But if the child’s perspective is not the otherwise, then he will just praise, or encourage himself that will cause boasting. From that, he will become voracious subsequently followed by a more habitual (bad) act in his latter life. He will be like an "alligator", thinking that he is powerful that the he can subdue everything, a synonymous act of politicians and leaders in different public and private sectors nowadays.

In short, the development of an individual affects a lot; he may abuse his power, wealth and capability, which could probably affect (also) his milieu.

As a Psychology student, a tagline is being imposed to us, that, "we respect individual differences and we adjust in every situation". Partly, we are in there, but we are talking about the people, there welfare and human side. We understand but we cannot impose to each and every individual to understand a person’s bad deeds. Only then, that the best moral principle is ‘utilitarianism’. The ethical doctrine, that the moral worth of an action is solely determined by its contribution to overall utility, meaning, "the greatest good for the greatest number". A sacrifice of one person for the sake, or for the welfare of the entire nation or, rather, for the entire university. That, what Jesus had made for us to be forgiven and redeemed. Can we just think of the entirety and not of our selfish desires?

However, for some people, who are running after to their emotions, and though we cannot blame them as a Filipino, because that’s our nature and culture – being emotional. But sometimes we couldn’t think for the goodness of some leaders that they have done in their administrations.

Nevertheless, if one couldn’t sacrifice his supremacy for the entirety, then we would make a move for his selfish desires.

A balloon is soft and tolerable for squeezing and it gives us a pleasure of ‘toying’ it. Sometimes, it moves up and down but not even popping out, unless someone will try to poke it.
A balloon is not tolerable or not enjoyable, rather, if the air inside exceeds to its maximum capacity. It can move up and down but it will become fragile and as one smooth poke, eventually it will pop out.

"If it is too much, then, enough!"



As we take every phase of our lives with the pace of a lightning, try to think for our freedom and for our rights…

*Fathoming the Depth

***

Exonerate me for I will outstandingly upsurge this passive lady at this point of time…




Da,

How are you now? I overly miss you these days.

Way back 2000 was the foremost year that you got all-out to be the best person in the classroom which was packed with newly primary graduate similar to us. For four long years Da, you were in that position that not a soul could ever tell you that you are pathetic or messed up. People are liked you. People knew you. You do love yourself, identical to narcissus’ admiration to himself and you told me that you could feel the existence of God very near on or after you. You never had uncertainties with your family’s concern. No snuffle from your lovers. You find studying irresistible. You were awarded time and again as the best theater actress in our school and in an intercollegiate competition in our city those days. You were beauty queen intellect and you have been a faithful friend to me. I miss the way you talk to me like a six-year old child. I miss your manner of mourning for now we both know that you’re not able to shed tears. I guess you are now an introvert or maybe you are just so busy that you do not have time to sob in front of my face once more.

At present I can still see you grinning though there are *depths beyond those. I cannot still figure out why. So I could say that some grins are fake smiles and some fake smiles are grin. High school living is over. After that, I didn’t see your genuine beam again. They are all false now. What happened to you Da? Where are you now? It has been a long time since I last saw you kneeling and praying so hard for a friend like me. I find it hard to talk to you again because you’re always ignoring what you fell…what you really feel. When will you be true to yourself again? When will you boost yourself? What is the problem? How could you do that to yourself? Where is the respect that you’ve put in your heart eight years ago? Where are those promises that you will let me see you succeed when you enter college? Is it me who is expecting too much? Or you who did not do your best to be what you want to be?

I would like to see you more often. I would like to be with you alone. I will wait for your answers to all questions I uttered lately. You have been so quiet these years. I can feel the pain that is in your expressions but I am also aware that you don’t want to talk about it right now.

One month more and you are out of school. You should cheer-up young lady! You are about to enter a new ambiance which will enable you to show-off your abilities and discover your strengths. Promise me that you will never be shy again. Please tell me that you will do your best now. Let me know that you will never be inferior and you will forget your painful past experiences. Offer me that genuine smile once more like when you are in your innocent high school memoirs. Never let anyone hurt you again and never let mistakes degrade you the second time. Grow up from those things! You have the power to fix it. You are forgiven so it’s better to forgive yourself also. This is a perfect time to put everything in order. You are free now. Move on! Be who you are and say what you feel. I won’t do anything to hurt you again.

*I love you. I do respect your whole being.

*Yourself

***ijo, eto na yung request mo! paxenxa na sa mga wrong "gramming"! Sayo na ito, remembrance!hehe! Tago mo ito ah para di mo limot na may isa ka pang mommy...

-ako-

*madalang lang nakakpansin nyan saken haha!

*idea yan ng isang friend ko!

*after all, mahal ko parin pala sarili ko =)

*ako parin to ijo mejo busy lang!

---this manifesto is from my best mommy;)